When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
