She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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