sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ruined the universe
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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