You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
