i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
