Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
