I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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