The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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