I wish I could punch you in the face.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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