I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
