Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
