she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
