I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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