The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
