Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
