When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
