I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
