Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
