So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
