when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize