dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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