just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
false alarm, still single
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