Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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