i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
