bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
