Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
