Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
