Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My pussy is not your playground.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize