I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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