I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
