I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
