So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
