Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
