I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
