just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
