absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
