On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
