After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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