he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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