mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
