I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
