my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
