I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
