i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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