she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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