Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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