Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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