Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
