I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
