i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
