Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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