I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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