She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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