My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
