I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
