So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
