Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
