i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
