My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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