It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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