Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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