I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
