oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
