Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
