I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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