the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
