Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
