I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
