Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
