so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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