He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
