God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
